I am kind of goofy. In the sense that I make goofs (silly mistakes). Maybe not too much more than average. But this mixed with the fact that I have a vibrant personality and the ability to laugh at myself makes me a lot of fun.
My lack of fear allows me to be this way. I know this because, I was not like that growing up. I could never just be myself. I was always afraid of getting in trouble because I was always in trouble, no matter what I did. At times I felt safe enough to show others how fun I could be, for a minute or two. But I hid my true self. I hid from constant ridicule and judgement. Due to fear, I hid my pain and my laughter.
We begin learning while we are under the control of our parents. Like many this distorted my understanding of obedience. As a child, obedience was a result of fear. It was suppression.
This did not stop when I reached adulthood. Between being surrounded witches and continual demonic oppression, life was scary. Being an SRA survivor forced me to overcome fear as it had crippled my quality of life. Being crippled, in this way, started around age six and ended when I was 45 years old. I never felt safe no matter what.
This changed. Correcting my understanding of obedience was pivotal. I began to see that obedience to God was only surrendering to perfection, freedom. Every time I have seen God act his actions were perfect. He is a right on time God. But he is the master of time and it shows.
I once lived a life on lock down. Now I am experiencing proof of God, continually.
This change occurred when I became obedient. I could not surrender until I understood what it truly is. He does not want to suppress us he wants to set us free. Freedom beyond human understanding. Which means a person can not act on just their understanding.
Don’t get me wrong, I fear God. He can squash us all without much effort. But I am not obedient because of fear. I fear not pleasing him and not fulfilling my purpose. He did not make me by accident.
I am obedient because I know the truth. I accepted that I was created with a magnificent purpose. Purpose of greatness so profound that it blocks the human need in me to be elevated above others. My obedience is to the perfect will of God, even if it hurts.
I see on a regular basis that God pays for obedience. It is a perfect paycheck, right on time and just the right amount. It takes faith. Often, He makes demands of me before he puts the needed resources in my hand. My human level of understanding is not enough. So, he explains things to me as I need to understand. My life is a bumpy ride. But what I do makes a difference. Not because of my greatness, I am goofy. But because of my obedience.
Yes, I have overcome SRA, but there are hundreds of thousand of others who have experienced the same things. Many of which adapted to the cruelty and now cause pain. However, God shows up for each of us in his perfect way and even someone who has had a cushy life can find themselves standing in the same light that I do.
Obedience pays because it aligns us with his perfect will.