Surviving a Survivor by Jeremiah Kranig

            Living with a ritual abuse survivor can be challenging at times. A lot of patience is needed. It is easy at times to think that you have done something wrong when they may just be triggered by an outside event or memory. Because of their programming they spend a lot of time in their head processing even the most mundane thing like getting out of bed. It is in there nature to have walls up and be guarded even in the safest environments.

            One thing I personally struggle with is I am a get up and go type person. When I have a plan, or we make a plan to do something I tend to stick to whatever schedule is in my head. While that is a good thing for most people, it can be challenging for a survivor. I am always doing several things at once. I council several people, run several ministry pages, and assist other ministries around us. I typically work in one way or another from when I get up to well past the time I plan to sleep. That gets overwhelming for Robyn.  It is easy for me to forget that taking the extra few minutes to let her emotionally catch up can make everything that much smoother.

            Even though she does not seek it, I try to validate her when I sense she needs it. Survivors go their whole lives basically living a double life. The very essence of truth sounds completely crazy to a normal person. The average person that knows nothing of sra or ra would think that there is something mentally wrong or that a survivor had an over active imagination. I make it a priority that she is heard and understood. Even if something sounds crazy to you, at least have the understanding that it was very real to them. A lot of survivors would be disowned by friends and family if they were able to tell them the whole truth. It gets tiresome putting up a front in public so be a safe spot for them to land when you are alone with them.

            Trust is very crucial. Most survivors come from generational abuse. It is very difficult for them to trust anyone. When a family member who is supposed to love you and protect you harms or permits harm to them it is almost impossible for them to trust anyone. I personally have a hard time trying to surprise Robyn because I do not want to be deceptive even if it is for a good cause. Even when I do screw up I make a point to be fully honest so seeds of distrust would not be sewn.

            Bottom line is love them for who they are. Be as patient with them as you would a young child. Listen to them without being distracted. Pray and read the Bible with them. Having a relationship rooted in Christ Jesus is the best thing for a survivor. Believe them. We live in a world full of distractions. Hardly anyone pays attention to the truth anymore, and even though it may seem out there for you at times, it is their truth.  

Why Do We Suffer?

Let’s start with a simple part of the explanation. We suffer because we are not in Heaven.  That is the place where Love controls all and nobody gets hurt.

Love is a verb. How magnificent is that? God is Love.  He gets stuff done and he always gets it right. But he does not stop us when we get things wrong.

So, suffering is our fault.

We are the light of the world. If darkness is the absence of light, people have been dropping their torches. In the end, the action of loving others the way we Love ourselves is the only way to stop human suffering. That is what the word heavenly means.

This is the only way that humans find a balance in which suffering stops.  

It is the churches job to bring heaven to earth. But is that what we do? Well, sometimes it happens. The Kingdom of heaven on earth does exist but it has not yet perfected.  This does not explain why we are so far from heaven. Evil is being normalized. We have work to do.

Not having to be perfect does not mean that we can just show up on Sunday and Wednesday. But that is the norm. We need to light a fire under us. I see Christ reflected in events that take place in my life He is an ever present. But the true church.

I have heard a few believers say these same things. We have to stop keeping these conclusions to ourselves. Changes are due. Its time to use a blow horn and tell about the true promises!

Don’t get me wrong I have been blessed to met people who do a much to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. But, even the greatest of these people fail miserably when their actions are added up.  We have got layers of damaging traditions to forget.

Humans get it wrong at different levels. True good is being done by humans. I have seen it. It is beautiful. However, when God puts his hand directly onto circumstances, he makes it all perfect. We are limited but she is not.

Being his servant means that all one must do is what he tells them to do. One small effort can solve immeasurable turmoil when God’s will is being done.

Never forget that, we do not walk alone, not for a second. Some of the suffering that mankind   experiences are due to the fact that we are not perfect. But the level of suffering is a direct result of our faulty decisions. Not choosing the will of God for our lives get really bed sometimes. Some flaws are worse than others.

Let us discuss ignorance. We need to look at what a true church should look like. While we miss the mark, our culture is so corrupted that the Enemy has found it camouflage for his own activities. Some churches are not churches.  There are decoys. But on its own, Christian culture is often so off the mark that it benefits the enemy, directly. I have seen this firsthand.

How does this happen? We get so caught up into our own logic that we created a system that does not reflect HIM. He is our example to follow.  He never owned anything. Yet, we own things. He caused no harm.

Christianity is often focused on the opposite. It all about finding financial prosperity. It also, focuses on all that is superficial and is a weekly fashion show. I suspect that more people miss church services because their Sunday best just does not measure up to the rest of the congregation.

With darkness being only the absence of light, it is time to get lit.

We have been infiltrated. I was not joking when I said that I was abused inside a satanic temple that looked like a church. It operated during the day as a traditional church during the day.   While looking like fine Christian folks, they tortured, raped children to control their minds. This group causes suffering worse that most people will ever admit really happens.

People not shining their light is causing some serious problems.

Some of the people I saw at night were the same people who participated in rituals at night. They just believed that Jesus was dead. The elimination of the resurrection for their belief system allowed them to seek the power to defend and propagate themselves. This went as far as it could go, and they practiced Satanism after dark. The occult has been hiding a long time and they are well practiced. We need to stop letting him influence our church culture.

We suffer greatly when we fail. However, we are not going to get it just right. Our lifetimes on earth will always contain an element of suffering. Some days are better that others, but suffering is a part of human existence. Since none of us are perfect someone is gonna throw us off the perfect path.

Having been hurt as badly as I have, has forced me to take a deep look at this.

The abuse done by this infiltration is significant and common.  For most of my life I have suffered continually and never felt safe. This changed. The change did not take place because I became immune to suffering. It changed because I let God give me a new lens in which I see suffering. It is all a call for obedience.

It took some time, but I started practicing the instructions that we were given to “Rejoice in all things”. This is more than just looking for a silver lining.  Its look for completion. I currently have a situation in my life that is often hard for me to  rejoice about. It’s a tough one yes. But the flaw here is mine. Through out most of my difficulties I laugh and await the hand of God to make it perfect. But this one situation has triggered some anger. This I have used as a call to prayer and because I choose to cling to my creator as difficulties intensify, I get stronger and stronger with each bought of suffering.

This works. I do not live a life without suffering. I do however experience great joy throughout difficult times. This isn’t the same as it is in heaven, But I am getting closer.

In the end, we suffer due to our disobedience. We are not in heaven yet where obedience is the way.  As it stands, the world is imploding. It is a big mess. Yes, evil has always been present, but it grows stronger. This could not happen if the church was unified in shining their light.

The Obedience Effect

I am kind of goofy. In the sense that I make goofs (silly mistakes). Maybe not too much more than average. But this mixed with the fact that I have a vibrant personality and the ability to laugh at myself makes me a lot of fun.

My lack of fear allows me to be this way. I know this because, I was not like that growing up. I could never just be myself.  I was always afraid of getting in trouble because I was always in trouble, no matter what I did.  At times I felt safe enough to show others how fun I could be, for a minute or two. But I hid my true self. I hid from constant ridicule and judgement.  Due to fear, I hid my pain and my laughter.

We begin learning while we are under the control of our parents. Like many this distorted my understanding of obedience. As a child, obedience was a result of fear. It was suppression.

 This did not stop when I reached adulthood. Between being surrounded witches and continual demonic oppression, life was scary. Being an SRA survivor forced me to overcome fear as it had crippled my quality of life. Being crippled, in this way, started around age six and ended when I was 45 years old.  I never felt safe no matter what.

This changed. Correcting my understanding of obedience was pivotal. I began to see that obedience to God was only surrendering to perfection, freedom. Every time I have seen God act his actions were perfect. He is a right on time God. But he is the master of time and it shows.

I once lived a life on lock down. Now I am experiencing proof of God, continually.

This change occurred when I became obedient. I could not surrender until I understood what it truly is. He does not want to suppress us he wants to set us free. Freedom beyond human understanding. Which means a person can not act on just their understanding.

Don’t get me wrong, I fear God. He can squash us all without much effort.  But I am not obedient because of fear. I fear not pleasing him and not fulfilling my purpose. He did not make me by accident.

I am obedient because I know the truth. I accepted that I was created with a magnificent purpose.  Purpose of greatness so profound that it blocks the human need in me to be elevated above others. My obedience is to the perfect will of God, even if it hurts.

I see on a regular basis that God pays for obedience. It is a perfect paycheck, right on time and just the right amount. It takes faith. Often, He makes demands of me before he puts the needed resources in my hand. My human level of understanding is not enough. So, he explains things to me as I need to understand.  My life is a bumpy ride. But what I do makes a difference. Not because of my greatness, I am goofy. But because of my obedience.

 Yes, I have overcome SRA, but there are hundreds of thousand of others who have experienced the same things. Many of which adapted to the cruelty and now cause pain. However, God shows up for each of us in his perfect way and even someone who has had a cushy life can find themselves standing in the same light that I do.

Obedience pays because it aligns us with his perfect will.

Making Heaven Roar

My life is wonderful, but it has had its difficulties, it is supposed to be hard. I am the recipient of miracles and grace beyond my understanding however, my perfect path is still a bumpy ride.

As of now, I have a health problem that can cause extreme pain. I will spare you the gross details. However, I want to share an event that took place during a period in which, I had been worn down.

During this, I had a teenaged son who loved me, but when I could I shielded him from the difficulties that we faced. He had no idea how bad this was. He depended on me and any physical movement I made incited pain.  I managed to hide ER visits from him, and he seemed to think that I was, mostly just being lazy. His ignorance was my bliss and a burden as he was the only person I could rightfully use as an emergency contact. With my older two kids in other parts of the country It looked like all we had was each other.

This was the strategy I used to keep us afloat.  I took pain medication to get through my workday. I was intent on not being enslaved by opioids. So, after work and on my days off I laid still every moment that I could.

When I was not medicated, I would get up to complete simple tasks and then lay down. This was hard but the suffering gave me time to just be still with my lord. Through this I grew.

Somedays I just could not make it to work, money was low. I became grateful for every meal and day that the lights were on. I sweated the first of the month. Paying the rent was a treat because I had learned that God had given me the strength to get it done. This was a faulty strategy, but my faith was growing. I was scared but I should not have been.

One day, I was feeling a bit stronger and managed to both wash the dishes and get a bath. There was a minor amount of improvement in my ability to function. Not enough for me to notice. Fear still had its grip.

As I headed back to my bed something massive happened. I reached the foot of my bed as if it was a finish line and heard a roar of cheers. Like when I was a child all of heaven opened and all the Saints, God and Jesus were watching over me, rooting for me.  

This roar was in the spirt realm and more real than any performer on earth could experience. There is no stadium on this earth that could hold such a crowd of supporters. It was a lot to handle as I had just realized that I had forgotten to brush my teeth when I bathed.  I was shaken at my core, overwhelmed.

My Glorious Father, Creator of All explained this experience to me. With a chuckle in his voice, he said four words. “You completed two tasks.” He was so proud of me.  In my human mindset, I had not realized that I had made an improvement. But all of heaven did.

 I suffer sometimes still and have periods where I am worn. But I learned to let that gush of love radiate. He never left me, never.  

I now know the truth that my time in this body is temporary, but my accomplishments are eternal.

 Here is the thing: If a woman who was born into satanism, poverty, ignorance, collected three baby daddies, and earned a bad credit rating, can make heaven roar with such a minor accomplishment, what can we do as a unit.

The Kingdom of Heaven is just that glorious!

Let’s keep Heaven roaring!

Crawling and Lying : The Truth about Satanic Writers

I often hear believers quote known Satanist. This had angered me for quite some time. It was not just that they quoted them it is that they respected what they said. Even those who are adamantly opposed to Satanist beliefs or actions thought that they were telling them the truth.

I was once under the training of a high-ranking devil and I figured him out. Devils provide a ton of verifiable information and then twist one core concept that flips it all upside down. None of it is of any use.

I am not angry anymore.  I get it now. They just don’t know much about satanism.

Satanism is the belief that betrayal results in strength. They believe that deception is good. It’s the flip side of “Love one another”. They lie and they teach others to lie and think it is good.

Always know that those who teach a person to lie are lying to them.

They teach that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Which some Christians believe is in the bible. Yes, their beliefs are often thought to be in holy scripture. This will stop when Christians understand the need to read and study it for themselves. Obeying God without question is good but its only worth so much when people are just following other people, follow God not man.

They worship themselves and their loved ones and some creatures that teach them magic. Calling these people devil worshippers is only correct when you understand that the people are devils.

To keep this in context know that demons don’t have any power that humans don’t give them. They would have blown us all up a long time ago if they had the power to do so. Simply they cannot do anything on their own and must influence humans to be their hands and feet.

They are in people’s heads and are quite good at tricking us. Even this calls us to serve God as the more time a person spends with God the harder it gets for them to have any effect on the person. Those who follow Jesus know his voice and as we age we learn the difference.

But, back to the lies. Some people might be able to read Satanist books and filter through it with God. But that is probably one in a million.  Books written by Satanist program the reader. They are good at this. Their techniques have been practiced since ancient times.

However, they only have one bag of tricks. There is truly nothing new under the sun.

To keep this straight, I call them lie books.

Don’t be mistaken, the occult has been hiding a long time. They are good at it and most of their activities are hidden even from most of their own members. My self and others were incriminated before any of their criminal activities could happen in front of us.

They fear going to prison, while walking toward hell. And hell is a prison.

Therefore, there is no way that any known Satanist is going to reveal their secrets to you. Only those who have found protection under the All-mighty can do that without being put to death. These famous Satanist are planted in order to give the general public a false view of their practices.

Here are some of the beliefs that I was taught.

They think that torturing children strengthens them. It gets worse.  When these children behave badly as children or adults, they believe that the behavior is a result of who the individual truly is. They believe that they were born that way.

Some of this may be the result of generational curses. However, when boys choose homosexual activity, they believe that it is because they are gay. When reason would lead us to think that being sexually abused in early childhood, and sodomized would distort a kids sexual development.

The truth is that the occult weakens mankind one childhood trauma at a time. This distortion is carried down generation after generation like a plague.

In general, ritual abuse is mind control programming that is primarily geared to prevent people from thinking independently. These people are not really processing information they are doing what their ancestors did.

Many of them won’t wake up out of this delusion. But the Lord works on their hearts in his perfect way. When he does it is up to the church to show them how to “Love on another”.

Little Robyn

I used to think that all the talk about the inner child was just silly. I was wrong.

 It took me a while to realize that a part of me is still that desperate little girl. Encouraging her provides a gush of release that I had needed for a long time.

Before this, I had felt like there was pain under the surface. It seemed unreachable. It was for a long time.

Even now, when I dip back into that feeling of desperation, I take a moment to focus on me, while I was in hell. I tell her, myself that she is doing a great job and that one day she will be a part of ending the suffering of children.

Having recovered memories of traumas that I did not understand as they happened gives me a safe distance and a strong stance.  Little Robyn did not know that she could do that. The release that this provides me is significant and can snap me right back in place.  

I look at things a little different since I have been doing this. I have focused on me when I was in hell and promised myself that I would take every little bit of the brutality they put on to me than and now and smack those devils in the face with it. It’s not about vengeance because I had to face a long time ago that vengeance has to be done perfectly and therefore is only allowed to God. It is however defense as it allows me to pay them back with truth and Love.

The truth Is Jesus, and he has more power than any witch could ever imagine. More than I can imagine, and I have seen quiet a lot of miracles. It is love because what I do is to show my abusers that there is a way out of the occult that provides not only safety but well a perfect new beginning. This is what I smack em with.

This Picture is Important .

I remember when this it was taken. I had been refusing to renounce Jesus and was in a lot of trouble. My Mom and Aunt had taken me away front the other children. They told me that I was a disgrace and that they were going to “Use my own power against me “. We held hands in a circle. I felt a surge of power and then they let go of my hand and told me to stand in between them. I did and I felt that surge of power suppress me In a way that imposed depression onto me. It was devastating. The picture was taken to document their actions towards me. Two other children were in the photo but they made sure I under stood that they wanted to record me in my depressed state. I smiled, but my eyes show the condition of my sprit at that moment.

I also recognize that I had a fever blister. This was about a year after I was purposefully infected with oral herpes after the first time I refused to renounce.

For those who believe that witch craft is about loving nature, remember that the higher the magic, the higher the cost. And the only true protection comes from the All Mighty God.

My Christophany

This was the biggest event of my life. There were multiple life changing events during this night. All of which was overshadowed by the most important moment of my life.

The stage was set for me to renounce Jesus, but that is not what happened.

Waves of orchestrated turmoil had begun.

 I had been encapsulated, trapped in a circle of adults, fed a story about how Jesus was a dead philosopher. Which just sent me into witness mode. These people really needed him. But when, I tried to tell them that he was alive they started taking turns shaking me and yelling directly into my ears.

 “Stupid girl!” “Take it back!”  “I know you didn’t mean it.”

I tried to run. I had a good plan. Impressive for a six-year-old. But I was a tiny little girl. On my own I was powerless and trapped.

I was not on my own, not at all.

All of heaven spoke to me. I was told to call on him, say his name and that he would come, and the people would see him. Then, they would see the truth.

I mumbled his name several times and this circle of oppressors scattered. And there was a sound that came from the right corner of this decoy churches sanctuary. I sounded like a series of ten-ton metal doors slamming in a session. This display of power was as if lightning had stuck inside the building. Everything seems to have exploded but noting was burning or even overturned.

As I peeked up, My Champion, My Lord walked toward me.

There is just so much that the human body can feel. My eyes, ears, nose, and mouth could only go so far. That level of stimulus was almost forgettable. I balled up and hid my face.

My sprit took over the rest.  My spiritual ears heard a roar, as if the entire universe were wailing in pain. As if even the smallest particles of creation were set on edge and rumbling. Like creation could break at any moment.  There were multiple distinct voices, both male and female screaming “Don’t get dirty.” And many hearts wondered how many baths it would take to get him clean.

I was intensely aware that his feet touching the floor. There was something in the carpet, something I had been unaware of before. What ever it was seemed like spikes under his perfect feet. All the while I was on my knees and in a ball with my face touching the carpet at times and I had no concern about how the carpet would affect me in my imperfect state.  

He was just so pure, perfectly pure, and all powerful. Even vindication was pure in his hands. This was not something that could be debated. It was not held as a possibility. It was unmistakable.

As I remained balled up, he squatted down and rubbed my head and then my arms. He awed at me. And told me “We need to go.”  I knew that he was perfect and all powerful. But it was all just too much for me to process. I shook him off.

I have had to work to forgive myself for my reaction. But overtime, the shame has faded, and I am left with the knowledge what it is like to be in his presence. I live with less fear and a heart full of joy knowing that I will one day spend eternity with the perfect master of the universe.

Control Trolls

For those of us who have been ritually abused life seems unstable. We were dominated to such an extreme way. It is hard for us to feel safe because in our childhood we were dominated. But this is true to a large degree for everyone.

We know that loved ones die. We also know that regardless of the amount a person has on a savings account they can become penniless in an instant. Natural disasters come, often without warning. Life can be scary.

I just do not do this anymore. I have decided to skip it.

The ability to skip over all the unsure aspects of the human experience came when I gained an understanding of control. There teachings explained their way of thinking This started when I examined the core motive of my abusers. Understanding this helped me heal but it also taught me about how to deal with the uncertainties of life.

They were just trying to find safety. After, I refused to renounce Jesus they tortured me. They would hurt me and then say, “Defend yourself.”. After multiple sexual assaults I went into a range only for them to feed me with a false hope. They said that if I were to join their way of life, they would teach me how to defend myself. They believed that their way of life was one in which they found safety, in magical defense.

I did not buy it. They were the ones that were hurting me. I have throughout seen how unstable human exitance can be. However, I never forgot that while being confronted by horror I had been championed by Jesus. He came when I called on his name.

I have seen more defensive power than I know how to understand. Nothing, not even the highest of Magic can compare.

Applying that to the experiences of the public Is not hard. I am not long in a situation where I can be tortured by the Occult. However, I face many of the same insecure aspects of human existence. On a regular basis I have to remind myself to rejoice in all things because I know that the All Mighty God is in control. He is always in control. He allows us to make mistakes and he allows me to pay the consequences. But he never leaves.

This becomes more profound that most people understand. I take my life in season, just like everyone else. I am however able to laugh through the season of that seem uncertain.

I have said many times that those of us who were ritually abused get a front row seat to the Glory of God. This is more that I can fully comprehend. Our creator made the whole earth without having used his upper body strength. His Glory reaches beyond my problems and he will set all things good and right in the perfect timing and way.

How much damage does ritual abuse do?

This is often discussed by survivors. There are multiple similarities within different peoples understanding.

I have read a few survivor stories in which they believed that a survivor never completely heals. And that when they think they are done they get another memory and must start all over.  This sounds about right. My experience is similar. Also, I processed the easier memories first. They get worse. This seems like a life sentence. Like we are permanently damaged. I guess that would seem logical. But No.

We are more than meat.  Our damaged hearts are not the large muscle that pumps blood. This struggle is not a physical battle. It is a spiritual one. Just so that you know, if it feels like one needs a miracle, they probably do.

Even if a person is debilitated, Brain dead or even Long Dead. Miracles are still readily available.

 God does not have competition. The thing about the enemy is that he only has one bag of tricks. He has pulled the same tricks on most of us. Hearing other people talk about being abused in the same way you were, hurts while it validates.  The striking similarities in abuse techniques shows that he has limits, which is proof of what I already had faith in.

 My Creator has no limits outside of that, that he chooses. He is limited only by his promises. That is part of the reason why, his team is the winning team.

I have seen this in action.

When I first accepted that what, I was experiencing was real, I got scared. I was then a woman of faith, but I am not perfect, and I succumbed to fear quite a bit. This was taken from me not long after it began.

I had lain awake at night for three nights, freaked out. During this, I would go to work the next day and act as if nothing were new.

 On the third night, I had enough. I pushed away fear and prayed. It was as if God was on standby, waiting for me to reach out.  

“They don’t have a key to your house anymore.” God said.

“Huh” I said, verbally.

 “They don’t have a key to your house anymore.” He repeated.

He has been talking to me my whole life. Most of which I ignored him, and this was important enough for The All-Mighty God to respond to a “Huh”. Hearing God speak is a big deal, but this happened just an instant after I began to pray. I did not even have to get my mind right to hear the voice of God. The whole thing felt like an unexpected hug. It gets much better.

That unexpected Hug was power packed. I was not afraid anymore. I knew that the nights that I had laid in turmoil was a waste of my time. I also know that God waited, knowing that I would come around.  

Yes, the enemy had suppressed me greatly for many years. And he can not touch me now. The protection came when I committed to a life of repentance and prayer. Sin allows enemy attacks and daily evaluation and change (Repentance) put me in the Do Not Touch Category.

I may spend the rest of my life in prayer and in the service of God. But where else would I want to be anyway.

I hate the damage it does but here it is. I have bad days, but most of my days are good.   So, I get my healing one step at a time and with that comes blessings. It is a front seat to the Glory of God.  

Strength in Numbers

I had the privilege to attend an Iowa Huddle meeting. Here is the link to their Facebook Group. This turned out to be more of a blessing than I could have imagined. I met several people that increased my confidence and knowledge. Thomas Dunn, of Through the Black spoke, and I learned much about the fight against Ritual Abuse. I bonded with several people. James was just one of these people, but he and I have similar backgrounds.

James later came for a visit to my home. He had been abused just miles from where I now live. Jeremiah and I went with him and visited the place where he was abused. James gave his video testimony while on the site. That is a hard thing to do. It was a day full of meaning.  Before we left, we prayed that God would restore the Land.  

Getting to the point where I could talk about my experiences was not easy. Sharing with others can be terrifying. But God led me through this process, and It has gone better than I could have imagined.

Here are some things that I learned:

  • Make sure that you can speak with confidence before you share with others.

In the beginning of my healing process, I found It helpful to keep what I was remembering to myself. This kept me from having to deal with the way most people dismiss claims of ritual abuse as lunacy. For quite some time I did not know what it was that I was remembering. It was important that I got my footing, first.  I had all of heaven with me and we did a good job on our own.  But as time past and I learned to let God place me in a secure place I began to share my story. At that point, bonding with other survivors catapulted my healing process.

  • We have strength in numbers.

If one or even two people run into a building saying that there is a purple elephant outside, No one is going to bother to go see. However, if three or four people do the same thing, people are going to make some effort to find out for themselves if it is true.  We now have strength in numbers. With so many survivors coming forth in recent years ritual abuse is no longer a conspiracy theory. Now is the time for people to start speaking out.  

  • Survivors validate each other’s stories.   

Often, they confirm each other’s stories. Many of the most bizarre events that I was facing were describe by other survivors.  It is a strange type of satisfaction that we find when we hear other survivors talk about going through the same painful events.