Little Robyn

I used to think that all the talk about the inner child was just silly. I was wrong.

 It took me a while to realize that a part of me is still that desperate little girl. Encouraging her provides a gush of release that I had needed for a long time.

Before this, I had felt like there was pain under the surface. It seemed unreachable. It was for a long time.

Even now, when I dip back into that feeling of desperation, I take a moment to focus on me, while I was in hell. I tell her, myself that she is doing a great job and that one day she will be a part of ending the suffering of children.

Having recovered memories of traumas that I did not understand as they happened gives me a safe distance and a strong stance.  Little Robyn did not know that she could do that. The release that this provides me is significant and can snap me right back in place.  

I look at things a little different since I have been doing this. I have focused on me when I was in hell and promised myself that I would take every little bit of the brutality they put on to me than and now and smack those devils in the face with it. It’s not about vengeance because I had to face a long time ago that vengeance has to be done perfectly and therefore is only allowed to God. It is however defense as it allows me to pay them back with truth and Love.

The truth Is Jesus, and he has more power than any witch could ever imagine. More than I can imagine, and I have seen quiet a lot of miracles. It is love because what I do is to show my abusers that there is a way out of the occult that provides not only safety but well a perfect new beginning. This is what I smack em with.

This Picture is Important .

I remember when this it was taken. I had been refusing to renounce Jesus and was in a lot of trouble. My Mom and Aunt had taken me away front the other children. They told me that I was a disgrace and that they were going to “Use my own power against me “. We held hands in a circle. I felt a surge of power and then they let go of my hand and told me to stand in between them. I did and I felt that surge of power suppress me In a way that imposed depression onto me. It was devastating. The picture was taken to document their actions towards me. Two other children were in the photo but they made sure I under stood that they wanted to record me in my depressed state. I smiled, but my eyes show the condition of my sprit at that moment.

I also recognize that I had a fever blister. This was about a year after I was purposefully infected with oral herpes after the first time I refused to renounce.

For those who believe that witch craft is about loving nature, remember that the higher the magic, the higher the cost. And the only true protection comes from the All Mighty God.

My Christophany

This was the biggest event of my life. There were multiple life changing events during this night. All of which was overshadowed by the most important moment of my life.

The stage was set for me to renounce Jesus, but that is not what happened.

Waves of orchestrated turmoil had begun.

 I had been encapsulated, trapped in a circle of adults, fed a story about how Jesus was a dead philosopher. Which just sent me into witness mode. These people really needed him. But when, I tried to tell them that he was alive they started taking turns shaking me and yelling directly into my ears.

 “Stupid girl!” “Take it back!”  “I know you didn’t mean it.”

I tried to run. I had a good plan. Impressive for a six-year-old. But I was a tiny little girl. On my own I was powerless and trapped.

I was not on my own, not at all.

All of heaven spoke to me. I was told to call on him, say his name and that he would come, and the people would see him. Then, they would see the truth.

I mumbled his name several times and this circle of oppressors scattered. And there was a sound that came from the right corner of this decoy churches sanctuary. I sounded like a series of ten-ton metal doors slamming in a session. This display of power was as if lightning had stuck inside the building. Everything seems to have exploded but noting was burning or even overturned.

As I peeked up, My Champion, My Lord walked toward me.

There is just so much that the human body can feel. My eyes, ears, nose, and mouth could only go so far. That level of stimulus was almost forgettable. I balled up and hid my face.

My sprit took over the rest.  My spiritual ears heard a roar, as if the entire universe were wailing in pain. As if even the smallest particles of creation were set on edge and rumbling. Like creation could break at any moment.  There were multiple distinct voices, both male and female screaming “Don’t get dirty.” And many hearts wondered how many baths it would take to get him clean.

I was intensely aware that his feet touching the floor. There was something in the carpet, something I had been unaware of before. What ever it was seemed like spikes under his perfect feet. All the while I was on my knees and in a ball with my face touching the carpet at times and I had no concern about how the carpet would affect me in my imperfect state.  

He was just so pure, perfectly pure, and all powerful. Even vindication was pure in his hands. This was not something that could be debated. It was not held as a possibility. It was unmistakable.

As I remained balled up, he squatted down and rubbed my head and then my arms. He awed at me. And told me “We need to go.”  I knew that he was perfect and all powerful. But it was all just too much for me to process. I shook him off.

I have had to work to forgive myself for my reaction. But overtime, the shame has faded, and I am left with the knowledge what it is like to be in his presence. I live with less fear and a heart full of joy knowing that I will one day spend eternity with the perfect master of the universe.

Control Trolls

For those of us who have been ritually abused life seems unstable. We were dominated to such an extreme way. It is hard for us to feel safe because in our childhood we were dominated. But this is true to a large degree for everyone.

We know that loved ones die. We also know that regardless of the amount a person has on a savings account they can become penniless in an instant. Natural disasters come, often without warning. Life can be scary.

I just do not do this anymore. I have decided to skip it.

The ability to skip over all the unsure aspects of the human experience came when I gained an understanding of control. There teachings explained their way of thinking This started when I examined the core motive of my abusers. Understanding this helped me heal but it also taught me about how to deal with the uncertainties of life.

They were just trying to find safety. After, I refused to renounce Jesus they tortured me. They would hurt me and then say, “Defend yourself.”. After multiple sexual assaults I went into a range only for them to feed me with a false hope. They said that if I were to join their way of life, they would teach me how to defend myself. They believed that their way of life was one in which they found safety, in magical defense.

I did not buy it. They were the ones that were hurting me. I have throughout seen how unstable human exitance can be. However, I never forgot that while being confronted by horror I had been championed by Jesus. He came when I called on his name.

I have seen more defensive power than I know how to understand. Nothing, not even the highest of Magic can compare.

Applying that to the experiences of the public Is not hard. I am not long in a situation where I can be tortured by the Occult. However, I face many of the same insecure aspects of human existence. On a regular basis I have to remind myself to rejoice in all things because I know that the All Mighty God is in control. He is always in control. He allows us to make mistakes and he allows me to pay the consequences. But he never leaves.

This becomes more profound that most people understand. I take my life in season, just like everyone else. I am however able to laugh through the season of that seem uncertain.

I have said many times that those of us who were ritually abused get a front row seat to the Glory of God. This is more that I can fully comprehend. Our creator made the whole earth without having used his upper body strength. His Glory reaches beyond my problems and he will set all things good and right in the perfect timing and way.

How much damage does ritual abuse do?

This is often discussed by survivors. There are multiple similarities within different peoples understanding.

I have read a few survivor stories in which they believed that a survivor never completely heals. And that when they think they are done they get another memory and must start all over.  This sounds about right. My experience is similar. Also, I processed the easier memories first. They get worse. This seems like a life sentence. Like we are permanently damaged. I guess that would seem logical. But No.

We are more than meat.  Our damaged hearts are not the large muscle that pumps blood. This struggle is not a physical battle. It is a spiritual one. Just so that you know, if it feels like one needs a miracle, they probably do.

Even if a person is debilitated, Brain dead or even Long Dead. Miracles are still readily available.

 God does not have competition. The thing about the enemy is that he only has one bag of tricks. He has pulled the same tricks on most of us. Hearing other people talk about being abused in the same way you were, hurts while it validates.  The striking similarities in abuse techniques shows that he has limits, which is proof of what I already had faith in.

 My Creator has no limits outside of that, that he chooses. He is limited only by his promises. That is part of the reason why, his team is the winning team.

I have seen this in action.

When I first accepted that what, I was experiencing was real, I got scared. I was then a woman of faith, but I am not perfect, and I succumbed to fear quite a bit. This was taken from me not long after it began.

I had lain awake at night for three nights, freaked out. During this, I would go to work the next day and act as if nothing were new.

 On the third night, I had enough. I pushed away fear and prayed. It was as if God was on standby, waiting for me to reach out.  

“They don’t have a key to your house anymore.” God said.

“Huh” I said, verbally.

 “They don’t have a key to your house anymore.” He repeated.

He has been talking to me my whole life. Most of which I ignored him, and this was important enough for The All-Mighty God to respond to a “Huh”. Hearing God speak is a big deal, but this happened just an instant after I began to pray. I did not even have to get my mind right to hear the voice of God. The whole thing felt like an unexpected hug. It gets much better.

That unexpected Hug was power packed. I was not afraid anymore. I knew that the nights that I had laid in turmoil was a waste of my time. I also know that God waited, knowing that I would come around.  

Yes, the enemy had suppressed me greatly for many years. And he can not touch me now. The protection came when I committed to a life of repentance and prayer. Sin allows enemy attacks and daily evaluation and change (Repentance) put me in the Do Not Touch Category.

I may spend the rest of my life in prayer and in the service of God. But where else would I want to be anyway.

I hate the damage it does but here it is. I have bad days, but most of my days are good.   So, I get my healing one step at a time and with that comes blessings. It is a front seat to the Glory of God.  

Strength in Numbers

I had the privilege to attend an Iowa Huddle meeting. Here is the link to their Facebook Group. This turned out to be more of a blessing than I could have imagined. I met several people that increased my confidence and knowledge. Thomas Dunn, of Through the Black spoke, and I learned much about the fight against Ritual Abuse. I bonded with several people. James was just one of these people, but he and I have similar backgrounds.

James later came for a visit to my home. He had been abused just miles from where I now live. Jeremiah and I went with him and visited the place where he was abused. James gave his video testimony while on the site. That is a hard thing to do. It was a day full of meaning.  Before we left, we prayed that God would restore the Land.  

Getting to the point where I could talk about my experiences was not easy. Sharing with others can be terrifying. But God led me through this process, and It has gone better than I could have imagined.

Here are some things that I learned:

  • Make sure that you can speak with confidence before you share with others.

In the beginning of my healing process, I found It helpful to keep what I was remembering to myself. This kept me from having to deal with the way most people dismiss claims of ritual abuse as lunacy. For quite some time I did not know what it was that I was remembering. It was important that I got my footing, first.  I had all of heaven with me and we did a good job on our own.  But as time past and I learned to let God place me in a secure place I began to share my story. At that point, bonding with other survivors catapulted my healing process.

  • We have strength in numbers.

If one or even two people run into a building saying that there is a purple elephant outside, No one is going to bother to go see. However, if three or four people do the same thing, people are going to make some effort to find out for themselves if it is true.  We now have strength in numbers. With so many survivors coming forth in recent years ritual abuse is no longer a conspiracy theory. Now is the time for people to start speaking out.  

  • Survivors validate each other’s stories.   

Often, they confirm each other’s stories. Many of the most bizarre events that I was facing were describe by other survivors.  It is a strange type of satisfaction that we find when we hear other survivors talk about going through the same painful events.

Actual Good

I was a good girl, whiney but good.

During a time of ritual abuse, I refused to renounce Jesus despite torture. I tried once but failed to convince anyone that I meant it. I was a bad liar and a tough little Girl. Still, on my own I was a punching bag, moving in response to each blow. My goodness was just not good enough. Imperfect is still wrong.  

Here are some things that I learned:

  • The Occult uses a person’s imperfect goodness against them.

I was facing a prepared opponent. The abusers used old and well-practiced techniques. These techniques allow them to turn a person’s own since of right and wrong against them.  

I was intent on doing what my parents said to do. That is what I thought a good girl did. Yet, as I stood at a doorway my mother encouraged me to go into a dark room. All of heaven urged me to run. They used my need to obey my mother’s wishes against me. I detail this interaction in Chapter 2, of “Refusing the Occult.”

They also used my father’s goodness against him. On the night that I was to be introduced to their way of life, my mother snuck me out of the apartment right in front of my dad. It was a late-night event, as usual.  A woman arrived to pick me up and my father refused for me to go. My mother told my father that the meeting that She promised that I could attend had been delayed and that she could not go back on her word just because they had been delayed.

This use of good ness was a constant during my time of abuse.

  • We do not know what perfect is.

This is why we do not always get what we pray for. One could pray for the survival of a sick child not knowing that going home might be what is best for the child.

People often pray for God to change another person behavior. That does not work. Because he allows is to make our own decisions. He also will allow us to pay the consequences for our actions. He is a perfect father and holds us while we learn. His ways are mysterious to us because we do not know what perfect is. We can not even see around the corner and he knows everything.

  • All of heaven waits to guide us to our perfect path.

I do not always listen or respond to their words. But in the times that I do great things are set before me. Following my conscious, voice of God has led me to a place of safety and plenty that I needed to serve God.

The old testament told stories about people who knew this. They had been promised that a Man would be born one day who could teach them how to be perfect. Jesus was born, died, and was resurrected. In all the stories he reflects the truth that I have seen active in my life. He taught while he walked the earth and then he left the Holy Spirit with us.

Having communication with God is handy in all situations. As a person sees that God is moving in a perfect direction, they begin to get a view of heaven and an understanding that this life is plasticky.  I have seen a view of Goodness that has convinced me that I must follow the voice of God in all things.

The Blame Game

I was incriminated by the occult, at six years old. With the use of hypnosis and drugs they convinced my father that I enjoyed a vile sex act. He never loved me after he saw me laughing while men relieved themselves on me.  

That was just part of the damage that this event did. This literally caused their abusive words to echo through the mouths of those who I thought were my protectors.

During the rituals, they would say “You Like it” and that was bad enough. But they also, trained my father to echo their words. He would say, “After, what you like. “or “After, what you did.”.  This got worse. He told other family members about what he saw, and they too would remind me from time to time about “What you like.”   This was hard to heal from, but I have done it. I describe this process in Chapter 1 of the book Refusing the Occult.  

Here are some things that I learned:

  • People are not going to tell you about their criminal behavior, until after they incriminate you.

They do not recruit people by telling them that they could go to Jail.  The lower-level practitioners are often kept in the dark, pun intended.

Incrimination is a step-by-step process that generally includes hypnosis and drugs. In several survivor stories it is recorded that persons are unaware of criminal activity until after they find themselves having committed a crime while under hypnosis. They are often invited to have sex during a ritual with an adult partner. During the act they will be smacked and brought out of the hypnotic delusion only to realize that their partner is a child. They are taunted when the try to explain that they never intended to have sex with a child.  At this point a person seems to be in a trap. In truth the only way out of this situation is submission to the All-Mighty God. Many remained trapped in the occult. It is the Churches job to teach them about how to make their selves safe.

  • Satanism is the belief that betrayal strengthens mankind.

They betray their children in a way that can turn a person’s heart to stone. They think that this will strengthen mankind. And when adults are growing in rank to the point that they must be incriminated they think they are helping them grow stronger. It is a sick circle. It is an old and effective trick. No one dare talk about this even if they had left the occult. It is well hidden while being used regularly.  

  • Living a life of repentance protects a person from being incriminated.

There is a legal system that governs what they can do and cannot do.

For a person to be incriminated first they must agree to do something that is wrong (Sin). In my case my parents sin gave them the right to hurt me. In other accounts of incrimination, the person had agreed to do something wrong and that opened the door for this to be allowed by God. Moving forward I learned that living a life of repentance, constant improvement protects me from the occult who does seek to harm me.

If a person continues to behave wickedly, they can be overpowered by those who are better at being wicked.

  • They Fear Jail.

Of course, they do. It does seem bizarre to me that they make such effort to prevent criminal prosecution while a prison awaits them that is worse than anything that can be done to them by man.

The Big Why

Why does a loving and all-powerful God allow children to be ritually abused? It is a good question. I asked it. Like always answers are simpler than questions.

 This mystery requires more than a blanket statement. Most will say that It is due to free will. In some ways that is true, but it never seems to satisfy.

Here are some things that I learned:

  • God wants mankind to think and make choices independently.

 Most Christians believe that obedience is something that is done without independent thought. Walking in faith is walking without questioning. However, building that faith is work. It takes independent thought.

BTW, Occult training suppresses independent thought through domination tactics. Those who the enemy has distorted, do what their superiors tell them to, or what their ancestors did. Many times, I have spotted them due to their inability to evaluate facts independently.

If God had wanted us to be robots, he would have made robots.  

  • Free Will

Yes, this is real. Look at it this way. Each one of us does things that are wrong, sin. We have all have harmed ourselves and others. Therefore, we must live a life of repentance, continually changing. Most people are ok with this but when we realize that the fact that God allows all of mankind free will, this includes people who are adapted to Evil.

  • God allows us to raise our children as we choose.

All parents make bad decisions. We have all taught children things that are incorrect. This is allowed. Like within freewill, even people who have normalized evil can choose to raise, train their children as they wish. This gets worse in some situation than others.

Even knowing these things only helps me to a point. My heart aches still and I feel anger toward those who work to distort children. As time has passed, I have accepted that the pain that I feel in my heart is a blessing. The fact that my heart hurts means that it is still alive. They did not kill my love for others. Which is what they tried to do. Ritual abuse is done so that they can receive demonic power. But the reasons that mankind’s enemy’s offer the power is so that they can weaken mankind one childhood trauma at a time. They break their harts over and over until they don’t feel anymore. I have learned to rejoice as I hurt because that just means the enemy does not have me.

We could complain. However, remember that God came here and lived as we do. He suffered great turmoil during his time and his death was, well more brutal than anything I have seen.

The Condemnation Trap

Jesus was and is without sin. However, the Body of Christ on earth today is human therefore, is not without sin. He can be seen in us that live a life of repentance. Perfection is not required.

He paid for our wrong doings, but it is common for ritual abuse survivors to be latent with self-condemnation. Part of the mind control was to be made to feel disgraced. I have uprooted this. Perfection is not required. Matter of fact those that appear perfect are always hiding something.

  • Do not Judge people includes self-condemnation.

Often, people who are struggling with their own shortcomings speak condemnation on others whose flaws are more pronounced. This is wrong but it does not stop there.

Jesus has never been judgmental. The people who were close to him were transformed, just being close to him.

Living without judging others is well talked about. Yet self-condemnation is rarely addressed. Many consider the spirit of self-condemnation a demon. It is probably the most damaging force that mankind faces. It causes many to revert and submit to damaging behavior. I have heard multiple people state that they have gone too far for God to save them. This is the churches fault as we have not taught that there is nothing that cannot be forgiven.  In truth, nothing is too hard for God.

Sin is bad. Yet, the truth is that the more time a person spends with God the better their behavior gets.  Sin does separate us from our perfect creator. It is important that a person let this control them.

  • Perfection is not required.

The illusion of perfection is a massive red flag. Fakers whether they are occult members who mascaraed as a group of Christians or if they are just following traditional wrongs are not Christ Like.

  • Repentance is a process.

God will meet you wherever you are at that time. One will change one step at a time. Let your flaws be signs that you need him more. If one lets their downfalls draw them closer to him, they come closer to who he created them to be.

A believer has been forgiven. That job is done. It is the churches Job to convince a person that they still need to fully accept that they are forgiven.

 People tend to be too hard on themselves. We walk around letting the voice of abusers, demonic and human echo in our heads.  Self-condemnation has to be addressed by the church.

Sin does separate people from God. However, allowing that to hinder us from spending time reaching toward him is deadly. It stops our development.

The Church, the true church, is not as big as it needs to be. They are those who feed people and take them in regardless of flaws. They are the ones that speak love not condemnation. They manage to let go of the harm that others have done to them and continually offer Love. This exists. I prayed and God brought me to a real church. Never forget that nothing is to hard for him who created everything.

Characteristics of a Decoy Church, Entry 6- Racial Division

This is an old standard that has lessened in modern times. However, it is still alive. But as it lessens the occult seems to find some way to keep mankind divided.

 I was told that racial separation was in the bible during my childhood. I never bought it. If one takes time to read all the scriptures that are used to fuel this division, they discover the opposite.

When a person discovers that their church is teaching the opposite of what the Holy Spirit is teaching, they need to move on. But it may be more than that. It may be that they have uncovered a decoy church.

  • Racial Division was Normalized.

Racial division was normalized culturally a long time, maybe even since the tower of babel. Jesus has dismantled this construct. He taught that we could set aside the bonds with our kin and join the church where we are all brothers and sisters.  We are not bound by the ways and divisions of our ancestors but bound to God and each other in Love.

  • Racial Division is Wicked.

Racial division is not only the opposite of what is taught in scripture. It is also a core principle in all divisions of witchcraft.

Imagine the Love that mankind would experience if we all just stood together for one cause. There is no lack of food and resources. There is only a lack of sharing and the sprit of condemnation that keeps of from prospering. It is the teachings of Jesus that brings me to this definite conclusion.

  • The True Church inspires Unity.

This goes past racial unity. It unifies all mankind. The job of a believer is not done, and the world is always prepped to attack someone. But the true body of Christ inspires mankind to stand together in Love. It makes us look at the reasonings behind bad behavior and embrace those the world sees as useless. If a body of believers does not at least aim to bring people together they are faulty and those that push the division of mankind just might be complete fakers.

Never forget that the body of Christ is one creature.